Consciously Incompetent in a results oriented world

To suddenly realize that I have been walking around in a stupor hits hard. To realize that I have been so insular and absolutely blind to what’s going around me is humbling. To realize that I could have been so much more intentional and present to people around me – to add value to their lives. All wasted opportunities. Yet this is how I feel now – after reading some excellent self-development books and receiving guidance from the 2 people who have oriented me into the world of coaching.

Consciously incompetent. This means I now know that I don’t know a lot of things. It’s the feeling I got when I started learning driving and more recently deep sea diving. However, being consciously incompetent is an opportunity for me to learn and grow so I welcome it. That’s all fine and good – but how do you manage the trade offs of learning in an results oriented world. How do you say “I don’t know and I am learning at the moment” at the workplace? How do you balance your desire to learn yet your responsibilities of outputs at the workplace?

Perhaps we can help ourselves :

1) Being consciously incompetent is not an excuse for saying no. I think this is the first distinction we need to make for ourselves. Just because we know we don’t know something should not give us the license to say “I don’t know so I can’t help”. We could instead say “I don’t know but we could find out together”. I think this places us in a willing learner’s frame and we probably will indeed end up learning something valuable. Plus it shows our genuine desire help make the workplace a better place.

2) Keep learning – everyday. Even if it’s just the meaning of a new word. And more importantly, share your learnings where appropriate. This will show others your desire to learn and improve yourself. And you may genuinely be helping someone with your sharing.

3) Think whole systems and think transferability. Where else can you learn? Who can you engage on your learning journey? Who will be impacted by your learning? What skills/knowledge are transferable between domains/industries? Ask these questions and put some thoughts into practice. Who knows, you might stumble upon a gap in an area of work that no one has noticed.

4) Last but not least, be happy being consciously incompetent because it can only get better from there 🙂

The coaching contagion

My challenge is to introduce the coaching contagion in my organisation.

I use the word contagion deliberately because the coaching idea needs to spread from person to person for it to truly take off. Coaching can be done anywhere, anytime and with anyone. It doesn’t even require a lot of time. I think it just needs the right intention, an inquisitive mind, empathy and a deep desire to learn.
It is almost like creating an internal language in an organisation for learning and development. So what have I done to introduce the coaching contagion?

1) Take every opportunity to ask coaching type question. Once I set my intention to do this actually I find lots of opportunities to ask coaching questions – at meetings, work discussions and even via emails. I don’t think people realize those are coaching questions but at least some questions seem to make people reflect more.
2) Educate my boss. I guess the more appropriate term would be “contrating” with my boss but I use the word educate as there seems to be some misconceptions about coaching eg a coach will help to “sort out” a poor performer. I am happy to coach a perceived poor performer but I don’t want to go with the notion that I am there to help him improve his performance because the boss said so. I would rather have a conversation with him to find out what he would like to focus on and help his achieve his desired outcome.
3) Reflect on myself more. As Mahatma Gandhi said “be the change you want to see in the world”. By reflecting more on myself, it has invariably helped me focus better on my work. I feel more energized and feel I am able to achieve more in a day. Perhaps this is to do with the transferable nature of coaching skills into other realms of our lives.
4) Take it slow and steady. Coaching is a developmental journey for the coach as much as the coachee. I need to be patient on this journey and not expect quick results. Spread the contagion slowly.

A student of coaching

Coaching is not what I imagined it would be. My preconceived idea was that coaching is done one-on-one between a coach and a coachee. The coach leads the coachee down a path of self discovery until the coachee finds his own solutions.

I am discovering that coaching is much more than that. It’s the ability of people in organizations/companies and even schools to pose thoughtful questions with the intent of raising self awareness and responsibility in others. It is the ability to challenge and support others while at the same time holding the other person’s self-esteem very dearly.

Therein lies the paradox of coaching. It is so simple yet so difficult. Fundamentally it’s the ability for us to connect as humans and to really pay attention to another “in the moment”. What makes this difficult – at least for me – is the tendency for the mind to wonder and worse still for biases and judgments to cloud my listening ability.

How do I overcome this? I don’t know yet but I will experiment with the following tips :

1) Don’t fight it, flow with it. When I feel judgmental, I can say to myself “I notice that I am being judgmental. OK, that’s done so let’s put that aside.” I want to acknowledge the feeling and be done with it so that I can move on and focus on the person in front of me.

2) Breathing regularly and deeply. Such a simple technique but it helps to pump oxygen into the brain and improve attention span. I will try this consciously every day.

3) Write as I listen. As a kinesthetic person, I need to write to process and think. I just have to be mindful to still be able to maintain eye contact with the coachee.

4) Enjoy and develop. Few books mention coaching as a fun activity. But I am having fun learning and developing myself in this field. Is it possible to enjoy a coaching session? Maybe it is if I let it be.